Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken (part 4) Your Spiritual Self

Aladin and Shalom

I will never forget the day I heard about Robin William’s untimely death. The same day he died, my local area in Metro Detroit had a horrible storm which led to awful flooding and a lot of ruined cars and basements. I can vividly remember watching the news and hearing about the damage but feeling an undertone of utter sadness for Williams and his family.

Not only did his suicide it confuse me, it greatly grieved me as a lifelong fan. Robin Williams started making me smile, laugh, and sing since I was a little girl watching the funny movies like Aladdin and Mrs. Doubtfire. Hook was a staple in my home growing up, and of course because it takes place around Christmas- I consider it a Christmas movie. Eventually, Robin Williams helped make me think and wonder with movies like Awakenings, Patch Adams, and Dead Poet’s Society. This paragraph is already too long- but I could go on and on about movies of his that helped me laugh and grow as a person.

How could someone who seemingly had fame, fortune, family, the love and admiration of millions…take his own life? What could Robin Williams have been possibly missing?

I am not going to assess someone’s mental health who I don’t know personally, but as I write this I can think of many other famous and rich celebrities who took their own lives or who drowned themselves with drugs and alcohol. Clearly, running hard after the things of this world cannot give us shalom. 

Supernatural Power is Needed

I wrote about three of the four aspects that make us who we are already in my blog, but finally I’m coming to and end with the most important leg to our table- our spiritual selves. We cannot obtain true shalom- having nothing broken and nothing missing, without the supernatural power of God in our lives.

I know when we look at some of our neighbors we may want to disagree- they have nice cars, smiles on their faces, families without trauma, they pay taxes and help society. We may look at some individuals without Jesus in their lives and assume they have shalom- but they really don’t.

The rest of the world can be physically healthy, they can have no mental health problems and be emotionally cool, calm, and collected. They cannot, however, be at peace in their spirit with their creator without surrender to Jesus as their Lord. 

Alive but Unwell

Even if I assume you, as my reader, have made that decision to follow Christ and ultimately have eternal peace with God, does that mean your spiritual life is completely healthy? To answer that question I will use two “church” words I think are really important.

If you’ve surrendered to Christ and have chosen to walk behind Him as your leader- you have been justified. You have been forgiven and washed cleaned- “just as if I’d never sinned” However, each one of us, as we follow behind Jesus our good shepherd, are in the life long process of sanctification- which means we are becoming more and more like Christ as we live our daily lives. 

In plain terms: you can be alive in Christ, but sick spiritually. Things like unconfessed sin, unhealed trauma, unrestored relationships, unyielded wills, and lack of spiritual rhythms can cause us to be very sick in our faith- though we will never again be spiritually dead.

Perfect Bedside Manner

So, brother or sister, are you healthy or are you sick in your spirit? One thing I love about our heavenly Father is that He is the Great Physician, one who never sleeps and never tires. He is ready to heal us and make us well, to give us perfect shalom in every part of our being. 

When we realize we have an unrepentant heart, a horrible attitude, or just a total lethargy toward spiritual rhythms, we turn back toward the face of God. Every single time we look back, we see His face is smiling toward us, why? Because He delights in us. Christ gave us the right to be called children of God- and His delight in us does not depend on being spiritually healthy or sick. God our Father delights in us totally independently of what we do or don’t do, it was sealed for us when Christ rose from the grave. ( Zeph. 3:17, 2 Corinthians 5:21, Romans 8:38–39)

Shalom Is Possible

I challenge you, whoever you are, to invite the Holy Spirit into this moment (Romans 8:26). Ask Him to reveal any aspect of yourself that is not healthy and may need the Great Physician to intervene. God sent His son to die, not so we can barely limp our way into heaven, but so that we can have “life to the full” (John 10:10), so we can have shalom: nothing missing, nothing broken. 

Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken (part 3) Your Mental Self

And Doggone It, My Thoughts Lie to Me!

“Positive Thinking” evokes deep, sarcastic eye rolling from a lot of people. I understand that response, actually. Personally, I always think of the Saturday Night Live skit with Stuart Smalley (motivational speaker), especially when he would look in the mirror and say, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”

So I have to wonder, as I sit down to write this 3rd installment of the Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken blog about our minds and mental self, if I’m addressing an audience already skeptical and perhaps even cynical.

However, one of the key differences in the Christian perspective as opposed to the secular, is that thinking positively about oneself is not the goal nor is it as impactful as reminding oneself of the truths in the Word of God and the identity Christ has given you by grace and faith alone.

Stop Smiling at the Mirror. Start Renewing Your Mind.

What does that even mean? It means instead of looking in the mirror and saying, “I’m good enough”, we look toward the Lord and say, “You have saved me, and I am not longer a slave to sin, but I am free and redeemed, I am now righteous in the eyes of God because of Jesus. I am loved, I have a purpose, and I have a mission for the Kingdom of God.”

Both science and Scripture agree: what you think changes who you are. Romans says, ‘Be transformed by the renewing of your mind’ (Romans 12:2). Centuries later, neuroscience confirmed it with the study of neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to literally rewire itself when thought patterns shift.

Put very bluntly: what you think shapes who you are. God gave us a blueprint for transformation within the Christian life: renew your mind.

Scripture repeats this truth over and over again:

Colossians 3:2 – “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

2 Corinthians 10:5 – “We take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.”

Philippians 4:8 – A whole list of what to set our minds on: whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable.

2 Timothy 1:7 – God hasn’t given us fear, but “a sound mind.”

Ephesians 4:22–23 – “Let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.”

Your Brain, But Make It Dysfunctional

I like to fall asleep to a show called Air Disasters. Strange, I know—but for some reason it’s just interesting and calming enough to knock me out. What always surprises me is how something so small, so seemingly insignificant—a loose bolt, a faulty sensor—can bring down an entire airplane and cause so much destruction.

Your thoughts work the same way. Your mind is like the cockpit of an airplane. The things you allow yourself to think are constantly influencing your life emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. And just like in those crash investigations, if a few knobs or gears in your thinking are off, devastation can be looming.

That’s where cognitive distortions come in. A cognitive distortion is simply a wrong or twisted way of thinking about something. And most people fall into these habits without even realizing it.

Here are a few of the big ones:

Catastrophizing – seeing only the worst possible outcomes.
 Example: “This job interview went badly. I’ll never get hired. My whole future is ruined.”

Overgeneralization – making sweeping conclusions from one event.
 Example: “I felt awkward once in a conversation… I’m always awkward.”

Emotional reasoning – assuming feelings = truth. 
Example: “I feel like a bad friend, therefore I must actually be a bad friend.”

Do any of those sound familiar? If not, I’d bet money you know a friend or family member who lives in one of them.

As a counselor, part of my role is to gently point these distortions out and help course-correct them with truth. And truth is powerful. Every time you stop, notice, and replace a distorted thought, you’re taking it captive and giving the Spirit space to renew your mind (2 Corinthians 10:5). This is why worship music, scripture memorization, and constant exposure to God’s Word matter so much, they’re not just “spiritual extras,” they’re weapons against distorted thinking.

So…What Do I Do About It?

This week, I challenge you to take one negative thought you’ve been replaying today. Write it down. Then, right next to it, write the truth from God’s Word that counters it. When that thought pops back up (and it will), pause and speak the truth out loud.

Example:

Lie: “I’m always going to fail at this.”

Truth: “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13)

Do this once today, and then repeat it tomorrow. Little by little, you are training your mind to believe truth instead of distortion. That’s neuroplasticity + discipleship working hand in hand.

(At the end of this blog you’ll see a longer list of lies/cognitive distortions and truths from God’s word to counter them.)

I truly believe the mind is where I do the majority of my work as a counselor. Satan is called the “father of lies” for a reason; he wants to confuse and distort the truth to ruin you. You CAN control what you think, it takes work and discipline and it also takes the power of the Holy Spirit, but it is possible and necessary for you to be wholly healed.

I hope you come back to read the last leg of this series where we’ll focus on your spiritual self. Because, what good is it to train your mind, strengthen your body, and stabilize your emotions—but lose your soul? That’s like a table with an entire leg missing: useless, fit only for the trash.

In the meantime, may you be fully whole and healed within your mind; shalom, nothing missing, nothing broken.

Lie vs. Truth Examples

Lie (Catastrophizing): “This situation is hopeless. Nothing will ever change. ” 
Truth: “With God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

Lie (Overgeneralization): “I messed up once, I’ll always be a failure.”
 Truth: “ The righteous man falls seven times and rises again.” (Proverbs 24:16)

Lie (Emotional Reasoning): “I feel unloved, so I must not matter to anyone.”
 Truth: “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” (Jeremiah 31:3)

Lie (All-or-Nothing Thinking): “If I’m not perfect, I’m worthless.”
 Truth: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Lie (Mind Reading): “They didn’t respond… they must not like me.” 
Truth: “For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them?” (1 Corinthians 2:11)

Lie (Fear-based Thinking): “I can’t handle this. I’m too weak.”
 Truth: “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken (part 2) Your Emotional Self

Some tables are just for eating. Others hold the weight of your whole life.

I’ve had some of my most life-changing moments while sitting at a table.

I signed my marriage license at a table. I met my oldest son, who was seven at the time, at a sticky Burger King play place table. I sat at a massive conference table and signed a mountain of papers when Andrew and I bought our home, and three more times when we adopted each of our children.

Truthfully, tables are more than furniture. Even the ones we eat at hold the memories of hundreds (maybe thousands) of deep conversations, late-night belly laughs, and weekend game nights. They’ve been the place where promises are made, lives are changed, and stories begin.

A Table Built for Shalom

In the first post of this series, I shared how each of us is made up of four main parts, like a table with four legs. When one leg is broken or even slightly off balance, the whole table wobbles at best… and can come crashing down at worst.

This whole series is called Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken, a phrase that reflects the Hebrew idea of shalom, wholeness, peace, and well-being in every part of who we are. Shalom isn’t just the absence of conflict, it’s the presence of completeness. That’s why we’re taking the time to look at each “leg” of the table, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual, so we have nothing missing or broken in any part of us.

Part one focused on the physical “leg” of our table. Today, in part two, we’re pulling up a chair to talk about the emotional part, the part that, if left unchecked, can end up driving our reactions, defining our relationships, and influencing more than we realize.

A Delicate Interweaving

Because we are intricately designed and beautifully interconnected, it’s common to get some of our parts confused with each other. For example, I have seen many people confuse their mind (or mental part of themselves) with their emotions. One way I see this happen is when people allow their thoughts about themselves or a situation to control and dominate how they feel and even react. Without properly identifying these two parts of ourselves we can easily be emotionally manipulated by our own thoughts, and maybe even thoughts implanted by others.

Here’s what it can look like in real life:

• A student with dyslexia who consistently calls themselves “stupid”: feeling embarrassed, angry, and defeated in the classroom.

• A woman carrying extra weight who hates how she looks in the mirror and thinks, “I can’t believe how huge I am. I am so gross”: feeling worthless, ashamed, and hopeless about ever changing.

• A man passed over for a promotion who sees disappointment in his wife’s eyes and tells himself, “Gosh, I am a failure. My wife even knows it”: feeling rejected, inadequate, and unmotivated to try again.

  These examples show how our thoughts have a major influence over our emotional state, but they are not the same thing. As a counselor, one might assume I spend the majority of my time with clients addressing their emotional part, but I honestly do not. I explain emotions to my clients like this: your thoughts are the engine in a train, but your emotions are the caboose. Your emotions will follow how you think.

Tiny Voices in the Rearview

Our emotions are data for us. They are important to pay attention to because they often reveal things we may not even realize about ourselves. However, our emotions are like children in the car during a road trip. Would you let the 6-year-old drive the car? How about tell you exactly where to go, or even how to drive? No, but do we completely ignore our 6-year-olds? Of course not. If they are saying, “I have to use the bathroom right now!” We better pay attention and find a rest stop as soon as possible! In the same way, we should listen to our emotions, but we cannot allow them to “drive” our actions, reactions, and relationships.

Being emotionally healthy does not mean being happy all the time. It often means being able to properly name how you feel, understand why you’re feeling it, and choose how you will respond instead of reacting impulsively. Another major sign of emotional health is recognizing when your emotions don’t align with the truth, and then taking steps to calm down and wait for the emotional wave to pass.

Trading Impulse for Intention

I teach my children and teen clients the difference between reacting and responding. A reaction is impulsive, fueled by emotion, often causes regret, and can damage relationships. Responding, on the other hand, means taking a moment to name your emotion, choosing not to let it control your actions, and considering the consequences before speaking or acting. The healthier you are emotionally, the more naturally you will respond instead of react.

Our emotions are a gift from God. All three parts of the Godhead demonstrate emotions in the Bible, they are part of our original design, but they are signals to understand and pay attention to, not steering wheels or engines to the train.

As you read this blog, did you recognize areas in your life you are allowing your emotions to control you? Or areas you react (often regretting it) instead of pausing to respond with wisdom? My challenge to you this week is to try to name exactly what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling it, and pause to respond to situations instead of react.

Storming Out and Growing Up

I’ve had some explosive emotional moments at the tables of my life, too. I’m laughing as I write this, remembering the time I freaked out over a game of Catan at my friend’s table and actually stormed out of her house. (If you’ve played Catan, you understand!) That was before a lot of healing and before grad school, of course. Not to say I still don’t feel a wave of emotions when I lose at games now and again… (I definitely do).

However, our emotional self is only the second leg to our table.

I hope you’ll join me for Part 3 as we explore the mental part of our table, the engine that powers so much of our lives. In the meantime, may God give you true Shalom in your emotions.

Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken (Part 1): Your Physical Self

I really do not like trying to do work on a table that wobbles. It’s bad enough just with me and my own tasks, but once another person sits down and puts their things down, their pressure on it at different times makes everything unpredictable. My handwriting gets all wiggly. Honestly, it irritates me more than it should. All it takes is one leg on that table to be slightly shorter, and it’s no longer stable.

What Wobbly Tables Taught Me About Wholeness

Each one of us is kind of like a table. We are composed of four complex and interconnected parts: spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. If just one of our “table legs” is not functioning properly, we aren’t as stable, predictable, and sturdy as we can be. Whole healing takes place when each part of ourselves is addressed. As a counselor, I am consistently keeping all four parts of my client in mind as we talk and process life, grief, victories, trauma, and current struggles.

Over the next few posts, I want to explore what it looks like to care for all four legs of the table—the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual parts of ourselves. Because if even one of those is shaky, everything wobbles. And healing that only targets one leg won’t hold up under pressure.

Shalom And The Table

I’m sure you’ve heard the Hebrew word shalom. A literal translation is more than just “peace”—lexicons (Strong’s H7965) define shalom as “completeness, soundness, welfare, peace.” One of my favorite modern ways to express this beautiful word is the phrase, “nothing missing, nothing broken.” I think of this often as I counsel God’s priceless people, praying that in their mind, spirit, heart, and body there would be nothing missing and nothing broken.

Elijah’s Divine Counseling Session

Addressing all four components of a person is not new or modern. The Great Counselor Himself demonstrated this throughout the Bible. One of the first examples that comes to mind is Elijah in 1 Kings 19. He was emotionally distraught and physically drained (putting it lightly). God addressed multiple aspects of him by having him:

1. Sleep (19:5)

2. Eat (19:5-6)

3. Drink water (19:6)

4. Hear His gentle voice (19:9,12)

5. Receive new purpose (19:15-16)

There was no yelling, no shaming, no harshness. Instead, God cares for Elijah’s physical needs and speaks to him in a whisper.

Wobbly Part 1: Shalom In Your Body

I am not a medical doctor or a psychiatrist. I do not diagnose or prescribe medication. However, I do address some basic physical aspects of my clients that I believe impact their mental health in very real, major ways.

Sleep, for example, is vital for our emotional regulation and mental processing. Drinking water is also vital, especially if we are in the middle of a crisis or processing trauma. I often end heavy sessions with clients by suggesting they find something funny and light to watch that evening. The Bible doesn’t say “laughter is good medicine” directly, but Proverbs 17:22 does say that a cheerful heart is good medicine-and laughter is one of the most beautiful expressions of a joyful heart. I truly believe that purposely not thinking about the heavy things of life and laughing, with friends, your kids, or with a silly movie or TV show can really help our mental health.

Sustenance, Not Sabotage

Another physical aspect I address with clients is what they’re putting into their bodies-not just water, but food. I am not the healthiest-looking counselor, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know factually that the food we eat makes a significant difference in how we feel physically and emotionally. Eat whole foods, eat protein, and your body and mind will thank you.

I also encourage some kind of exercise, because time and again it has been proven in studies to improve mental health. I challenge my clients to go outside, get in the sun, feel the earth on their feet, and gaze at the beautiful land and water God has put around us. Being in nature has also been shown to support our mental health and help us connect with our Creator.

It’s not just about what we can do or add, sometimes it’s about what we need to eliminate. Too much alcohol, processed food, or sugar can really impact our mental health. Of course, drug abuse is in its own category of damage to the body and mind.

We may already know these are things that impact our physical health, but my goal is often to explain how they also impact our mental health, and how shifting even a few of these habits can help us as we work through anxiety, depression, and trauma.

Suffering Isn’t a Spiritual Failure

Two final aspects of the physical “table leg” I want to touch on are medication and chronic pain.

First, I do believe medication can play a helpful role in managing and recovering from mental health struggles and disorders. I’m not quick to suggest this, but medication has its place. I don’t prescribe, but I may encourage a client to talk with their doctor or psychiatrist if I believe their medication needs to be adjusted, or if they might benefit from starting medication. I don’t believe everyone with depression or anxiety needs meds, but some do, and I am not the person to decide who does and doesn’t.

Finally, if someone is living with chronic pain, it absolutely impacts their mental health. Chronic conditions like migraines, fibromyalgia, or arthritis can carry deep emotional weight. And if a client has a family member who is in chronic pain, that too can take a serious toll on their emotional well-being. Having a counselor to help navigate those dark, heavy, sometimes explosive emotions is vital. A counselor is not emotionally enmeshed in the situation and can offer outside support.

Wobble Check-In: Are You Paying Attention to Your Physical Needs?

Take a moment to check in with your own physical “table leg.” What might need a little more attention, care, or grace today? What is one small action step you can take today to improve your mental health through a physical adjustment?

I hope something in this first part of the series was helpful for you. My desire is that every reader and every client experiences true shalom-nothing missing, nothing broken.

In the next post, I’ll be exploring the emotional side-the heart. I’d love to have you join me as we continue moving toward healing and wholeness together.

Why Counseling Is Worth Every Penny (Especially Faith-Based Counseling)

For many people, investing in counseling can feel like a big decision…especially when money is tight or they’re not in an obvious crisis. Christian counseling isn’t just about fixing something broken though, it’s about strengthening your heart, your mind, and your relationship with God. It’s about having a brother or sister in Christ help process and pray over your life or specific situations. It’s an added bonus what that counselor is educated and trained professionally.

Here are 10 reasons why faith-based counseling is worth every penny.

1. You're investing in mind and heart transformation, not just a one-time conversation. Counseling can shift how you think, relate, and heal…for the long haul.

2. You’re paying for a sacred, Spirit-led space, one that’s hard to find anywhere else in life.

3. Even one breakthrough in counseling can save years of struggle in a marriage, family, or personal walk with God.

4. Faith-based, trauma-informed support equips you with biblical tools and emotional resilience. This kind of support is hard to find outside of paid, professional counseling.

5. Counseling gives you consistent, safe, judgment-free space. People in our lives love us, but sometimes we need someone who is not emotionally involved to give us a fresh perspective.

6. Preventative care is cheaper and wiser than crisis recovery. Counseling now often prevents deeper pain later.

7. You’re not just processing the past…you’re preparing your spirit and mind for future peace, purpose, and clarity.

8. It’s an act of stewardship over your emotional and spiritual well-being.

9. You’re not just helping yourself- you’re becoming healthier for your spouse, kids, church, and community too.

10. The cost of staying stuck is often far greater than the cost of investing in help.

Counseling is an investment, and mental health care is often not cheap. However, this investment is well worth it. The payoff can and often will benefit generations to come.

Do I Really NEED Counseling?

Do I Really Need Counseling?

One thing I’ve always admired about past generations is their instinct to repair rather than replace. They mended what was torn, fixed what was worn out, and kept things running with a little patience and care.

Today, we often do the opposite—we’re quick to replace things the moment they stop working perfectly, even if nothing is truly wrong.

Somehow, though, that old saying “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” still clings tightly to one area of life: mental health.

But here’s a better question: How “broke” does someone’s mental health have to be before they seek help?
And what if-just like oil changes, dental checkups, or marriage tune-ups-we got support before things started breaking down?

For some, the need for counseling is obvious. A trauma. A crisis. A heavy grief. But for many others, doubt creeps in:

• “I’m not that messed up.”

• “I should be able to figure this out on my own.”

• “I’m not the one who needs help-my family member is!”

If you’ve ever had those thoughts, I’d like to reframe something for you:
Counseling isn’t just crisis intervention. It’s wise, Spirit-led support for everyday life.

The Bible has plenty to say about this. Proverbs 15:22 reminds us,

“Without counsel, plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”

As a Christian counselor, my role isn’t to fix you. I don’t have that power.
I don’t heal. I don’t save. And I’ll never tell you what to do.
You have the ability, through God’s Spirit, to discern and decide.

What I can do is walk beside you as a listener, a supporter, a prayer warrior. I offer perspective, tools, truth, and sometimes, a gentle challenge.

And honestly? I don’t know anyone who doesn’t need counseling in some form.
Maybe that support comes through mentors, pastors, wise friends, or Scripture.
But sometimes, we need someone outside the emotional entanglements of our daily life-someone neutral and trained-to help us see clearly, process deeply, and get unstuck.

So maybe you’re not “broken.” That’s okay.
But maybe some maintenance would do your heart and mind some good.

Let’s talk. Book a session. You don’t have to wait until you break.